MARRIAGES were meant to give us the happiness and fulfillment, that we seek, but are unable to find on our own. We may be fairly happy on our own, but we cannot be fulfilled. A deep, intimate, committed and loving relationship with someone else is necessary for us in order to find fulfillment in our happiness as human beings. This does not mean that we are needy, dependent people in a "bad" way -we are simply created that way.

Just as happy and fulfilled we can be in a healthy marriage, just as miserable can we be in an unhealthy, dysfunctional marriage. If marriage can be heaven on earth, it can certainly also be hell on earth.

It may be hard to find the root cause, where a marriage went wrong. It is interesting to explore and sometimes helpful. But it is not necessary to know in order to heal, rebuild and renew the marriage. What we need to discover is how we currently continue to make the marriage bad !

Bad marriages have a tendency to grow worse, because of self-reinforcing negative circles and habits, that are hard to break. If those patterns are not identified, understood and reversed (transcended ?), they will grow stronger, and sooner or later result in total breakdown, serious physical illnesses, divorce or chronic depression, dissatisfaction and unhappiness. It is just a matter of time.

The status of a marriage is the result of a teamwork between husband and wife. A marriage is a complex system of ongoing mutual action and response on many levels, physical, psychological and spiritual. While a marital crisis at times may be triggered more by one of the parties than the other, the response to the crisis and the ability to resolve it, is a joint venture between the spouses, that they both take responsibility for.

It may take only the will of ONE to wound a marriage, but it takes always the will of TWO, to reconcile - and build the new.

Intensive healing through extended marital counseling sessions - a different approach

Dr. Damgaard-Hansen has created a different model for counseling. He is open to schedule your session in blocks of several hours. He does this because it for many people takes time to get warmed up during a session, and to identify underlying problems and discover new solutions. In a typical 50-minute session a couple may be moving closer to a breakthrough as the session is ending, but then be cut off prematurely. With extended sessions, as you’re ready to resolve a problem your time continues as needed in order to reach a conclusion. With this approach you can relax and allow answers to come naturally. Without the pressure to cover many issues within a rigid time frame, clients need only to focus on one thing: resolution.

The purpose of this approach is to help couples:

*  work through problems and conflicts faster because there is more time to finish  the discussion on the spot

*    re-establish intimacy, and create a deeper level of trust because there is ample time for each partner to be heard

*    eliminate or reduce anxiety or hopelessness by providing a deeper understanding of what has been going on

*    bring balance back to the relationship - avoid power struggels and the need for control

*    achieve honest, respectful two-way communication that stops arguments

*    balance individual and couple/family needs

*    build intimacy without sacrificing need for ones own space

*    develop the art of reconciliation - a very tender, yet powerful and indispensable tool for building trust, love and peace in relationships of “imperfect” people !

and last but not least

*    help clients with a special interest in faith-based counseling explore how applying the psychological wisdom embedded in the Christian Catholic faith offers great resources and tools that can help heal marital dysfunctions

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